Sunday, June 11, 2006

I Think...Therefore I'm Single

If there were ever days to be OVERJOYED that I'm in the ranks of the unmarried, these are the days. I'm unimpressed with marriage in general and with certain people in particular. Single is where it's at for me for now. But nevermind my murky Full Moon mood, let's begin your blogging lessons. I trust you have been posting every other day or so when you can pull yourself away from more important pursuits such as...oh, I'm not even going there. I'm NOT your mother, unless you had one that favored black vinyl catsuits and stilettos.

Numero uno teaching of the day: do not post your email or your friend's emails in your blog. The same goes for your enemies emails unless you wanna housecall or some freakish accident. Those hungry crawling spiders gobble up this info. Trust me, these critters are real. The karma for this misdeed is severe.

Second teaching: TRY to keep on topic. Pick a subject as I have done with this blog...which is teaching blogging to dummies. If you log onto Blog-Blond Class, know that I'm teaching you something of value in regards to blogging or real-world etiquette and protocol. I won't be going off about relationships, EXCEPT when I am trying to get your attention.

Third, work those entry titles! Entry titles have SOMETHING important to convey about what you are posting. I see your smirks! Remember, I've got my eye on you! And you're wondering how my title of the day pertains to teaching the abc's of blogging to dummies. I'm so glad you asked with those stupid smirks. And I'll tell you straight. Of course, this is ONLY my theory, and it may be disproven any moment by some whacked blog scientist, but here goes: blogging takes a certain amount of brainpower. Even if one is not overflowing with oodles of brain matter, you have to think to write a half-way decent blog. So if you can think enough to write a blog, you can think enough to find a gadzillion ways to remain single. Simple logic.

Fourth: if you have any extra cognitive enhancer smart pills, throw some my way. I have been blogging too much... thinking too much... staying single too much, and if you expect me to carry-on as your teacher, you'll feel compassion. I'm exhausted, because as fabulous and action-packed as it was, being a blogging buddy to Paris Hilton has worn me down! We moblogged from Southbeach to Vegas to Beverly Hills and everywhere in between.

Fifth: name drop as much as you want in your blog as long as you don't say anything libelous or truly mean. How do they know you're not Lindsay Lohan's best friend of the moment?

Sixth: think, stay single, and blog your fanny off. It'll be cheaper in the long run.

Class dismissed. You know the drill...hit that donate button on your way out.

Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 6:33 PM

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