Friday, June 09, 2006

In & Out, Up & Down, Over & Out

Many of you may have noticed that Blogger was being repaired today, and thus, if you were trying to post your blog, you met with resistance as did I. Today your Smart-ass Teacher met resistance in more ways than not being able to sashay into class or to blog. I experienced how you must feel most of the time which isn't a good feeling at all! Dummie-land is a lonely, hungry place, and I yearned for lemon-drop martinis (the kind Oprah makes for her la-ti-da Legends Ball) and gigantic bags of Doritos with guacamole and golf balls to sail off the roof to comfort myself.

I became aware of the immense task I have assigned myself as your teacher for I too have so much to learn. If I am to stand tall as your teacher, I have to step up to the plate, learn this shit and actually know whereof I teach. Yes, your semi-cranky, semi-irreverent, semi-sassy lass was herself in school today. Sad as that may read to you, and as painful as it was to me with my brain cells still frazzled from all the input, it was worth it. Well, almost. It is clear that if I am to be a creative blog-her, I will need to delegate most of this insanely techie stuff to those that are made for this job. In other words, techie work is where their core genius resides, and I shall pass on to you what I do best, my core genius. More about that later as I want to share my vision.

The vision was something like this I recall, but I wouldn't bet on it because my brain cells were scrambled, and I was more than delirious. This is the best I can do to reconstruct my epiphany. Listen up. The chief Blogging Archangels teach the Blogging Angels who in turn teach the Blogging Earth-Angel Teachers who in turn teach people like YOURS TRULY who teach you, the lowest rung of the blogging dummies. However, if you can find a bigger dummie than you, you're more than welcome to teach them. I understand one of my students (who's not the shiniest marble in the bag) spent three hours teaching one such cretan. This just goes to show that there's always someone worse off than ourselves as our mothers always told us. Remember?

Maybe you will get lucky. If you stumble across a bigger dummie than yourself and actually teach them how to blog, this humanitarian act could be the miracle which will get you on the Oprah Show. You never know when the Faery Godmother of the World might want to have you on as her guest for this amazing feat. You DO know you have to be a major miracle to get on her show...unless, of course, you are famous or beautiful or have serious negative karma with her (and her staff of psychics have sniffed this out already and know it will shame you which will eventually play out live on her show bringing her an even bigger viewing audience and monies, but not quite as much as God Herself).

The point is: I'm only ONE step up from you. Sad, but oh so true! Today I was once again the dense student trying to grasp and apply tedious technical information. The pain of it brought your beautiful, sexy teacher to her knees. And I prayed. I resisted all the earlier mentioned comforts, and I prayed and studied. And I studied some more... so I could pass on my knowledge to you. I learned about screen resolutions (yech!) and hidden RSS feeds in Blogger that one has to toggle (yech!) and technorati tags and codes up the ying-yang (triple yech!) and how to add comments in Word Press, which is way more challenging than Blogger. Just try adding photos to Word Press, and you will want to sail buckets of golf balls if you don't have any knives around. Trust me. I fired off more of my famous Help Letters, and my blogging angel teachers responded. They were my life boys and girls, and I will be yours all rolled into one. Kvetch Over. Don't forget the tip box on your way Out.

Posted by kuanyin333 at 12:00 AM


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