Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Bloggers Anonymous



12 Steps for Recovering Bloggers

Yes, class...I admit I put myself into blogging detox--well, not totally or I couldn't be posting this, now could I? The result was this immense 'download' as to why blogging is so addictive. I am borrowing some ideas from another well-known organization that deals with addictions. I offer these steps to suggest when we have gone overboard on blogging...and this applies especially to Blog Explosion devotees...you know who you are!

So class...Let's begin with Step One:

"We admitted we were powerless over our blogging addiction--that our Blogging Selves had turned us into blogging junkies."

Step Two: "Came to believe that links, battles, blogging games and comments by others could not give us self-esteem."

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our dogs as they will demand we leave the computer and take a walk."

Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless disposal of our computers by hiding them under heavy rugs so we won't be tempted to blog or log onto Blog Explosion to ShoutOut."

Step Five: "Admitted to God, our parakeet and our dependants the exact nature of our delusion."

Step Six: "We're completely fed up and ready to take back our fingers, eyeballs, and carpal tunnel ailment so we can attend to housework, brushing our teeth, paying bills and other such life necessities."

Step Seven: "Humbly asked our Blogging Writing Guides to f*** off."

Step Eight: "Made a list of all the blogging link folk we'd been kind to who hadn't reciprocated a link and vowed to let them all waft away into the murk of our memory banks."

Step Nine: "Insulted and provoked the blogging professionals, especially when to do so meant we were going to be on their shit list throughout eternity."

Step Ten: "Continued to take personal inventory and, when we thought about it, danced to "It's Raining Men" with the music turned up as loud as possible without having the neighbors call the police.

Step Eleven: "Sought through charitable acts, volunteering and door-to-door panhandling to improve our community relations in an effort to communicate verbally again."

Step Twelve: "Having saved ourselves (and our tushies from becoming mucho grandissimo) and as a result of these steps, we vowed to warn others and carry the blogging-beware message everywhere, even if we have to time-travel backwards into the dire 21st Century."

In the next class I will share stories of recovery and pitch my blogging secrets of "How to Blog and Get Away With It While Making a Trillion Dollars", and I will sell you this cheesey package for only $49.95 plus lots of freebies by important writers whom you really don't like because of their smug grins but who are revered as high muckety-mucks in the Blogosphere.

Class Dismissed...you know the drill!


Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 1:54 AM

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