Yoohooo Class: Your favorite teacher is back to spank some butt! I hope you are thrilled to see me as I'm sure you've been very, very naughty. I'll take care of that spanking in due time! Anyway, I've been naughty too, but no that wasn't me that was mistakenly id'd on the back of George Clooney's motorbike in Lake Como. Sure, she looked like me, but it was some other babe. I was doing my naughties right in America which is easy to do! I was out and about adventuring with other celebs and non-celebs. Frankly, celebs can be major thrills in the a**** if you know what I mean. Double Wink!
While passing through an airport in Chicago, I spied a magazine that I've never seen before with the headline on the cover reading "Blogging For Dollars", and so naturally I had to buy the magazine to read this article as this subject is very dear to my heart and Vuitton wallet. The September issue of Business 2.0 is what you want to look for to read the article. No, I'm not going to chase all over the internet to plop it in your lap. You'll have to figure out how to find the information yourself. I do hope you haven't become horribly lazy while I was away.
The subtitle is equally exciting to me. It reads: "It's not just a hobby--some small sites are making big money. Here's how to turn your passion into an online empire." I don't know why they plopped Drew Curtis (the founder of Fark) on a weathered fence with measely bills floating around him. I could have done a much better job to entice others to blog for money, and probably most of you naughty ones could have too. Drew ( posed with a laptop and sturdy shoes) doesn't look all that happy either, even though he's raking in the BIG MAMA blogging dollars. Oh well! Small quibble! The article inside is the meat of this posting, so I'll get over my snarkiness and proceed.
Let's talk about Fark for a momento. His blog is "generating $600,000 a month". He's got a kid with him on the inside photo, and that's probably just plain old ice tea in his tall glass. My guess: he's making some lady and family very happy because he's raking in all the dough plus he's probably around the house a lot to fix things (a good ol' honey-do man that's available!) which is always a winning combination in men that stay home to work. Let's hope he is also good at other things too. Triple wink.
Another dude written about in this magazine article could be you in a parallel world. Arrington "stumbled into the blog business. He was tossing back drinks at a bachelor party in Belgrade in 2005 when another Silicon Valley entrepreneur called with an idea for a start-up based on the new technologies that have come to be lumped together as Web 2.0." Doesn't that sound a little like you? I'm talking abou the part about tossing back drinks at a bachelor party in Belgrade? Oh well, he did it, and you didn't. That's the trouble with parallel worlds. So now Arrington is the Tech-Crunch guru with his site getting checked out by others multiple times a day. Everybody wants in on his game: Apple, Hewlett-Packard, Intel. Hey, what does he look like? Does anyone know? They didn't show any photos of him. Is he kinda cute in a nerdy way? Maybe I should be introduced to him. Whaddya think?
Read the very important piece in the middle titled, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers." If you follow these 7 rules, you/me/us could be on the next cover.....maybe! However, if they put me on their cover, I will be a control freak and demand a sexy cover with complete control of the design. Those bucks floating around me will all be Benjamins or higher!
Enough of my silliness. I prefer spanking. Now pull down those sexy britches! Aren't you happy I'm back UP and running Hot???
Class: I realize most of you aren't home hanging out with your computer, and it's just as well as I won't have to put up with your noise, even from afar! I have decided to post one last post on this holiday Labor Day weekend. Not that I have to inform you, but I am doing so because I am your teacher after all. I will be breaking from blogging for the next three weeks or so...unless I feel that itch to keep you in line and take a spike heeled shoe to your back. To spell it out for ya'll: I'm taking a vacation! Yooo-hoooo!
However, before I take off in the private jet sent to pick me up by dear Elton, I wanted to leave my beloved students with a lot of homework. Why? Because you deserve it! You've been very naughty. I know! I see all, remember? I will save the spanking for when I return--just so you have something to look forward to. I want to share with you today what has been amusing me. In case you haven't heard, the following stories are a laugh riot.
First, the media controversy over photoshopping with Rosie O'Donnell and Katie Couric is a howler. Rosie and Katie's respective before and after photos clearly show there was some 'work' done, and Rosie is not pretending it didn't happen. She's honest. Obviously, some of the big network honchos want Rosie and Katie sized down and shaped up. Why? The image wars of course! Everyone in the public eye must look hot to sell product, and thus it was that I emailed another famous couple and inquired what they thought of this photoshopping madness. I was shocked to read they are all for it! I posted the photo of their comments above, and truthfully, I can't say I blame them. They have been taking the heat for so many years! Poor dears! It's a bitch being famous!
Second, the story posted by Bloggers Blog rocks my boat! Here's the story in a nutshell: dear Lee Siegel gets sacked for praising hisown blog. Now tell me, how many of us haven't done this? Confess! However, we are mere peons, and we aren't employed by the la-ti-da New Republic, so we get away with all our faked praising comments. What slays me is the nom de plum Lee Siegel gave himself: sprezzatura! What is this name all about? He could have signed as anonymous, but NO, he had to be outrageous! I'm sure there's a story there, a juicy one. I will keep my eyes and ears peeled for more of this hilarity. And the new terminology is so ridiculous: blogofascism! When is the nuttiness of the blog world going to stop? I can't pee in any more leather britches...they're so expensive, and ya'll aren't the most generous of tippers lately. 'Nuf said...I promised my therapist I wouldn't go there anymore.
Gossip is over, and now your homework: The Daily SEO Blog This document prints out to fourteen pages including comments which we aren't sure are real or not anymore, are we? Who really cares anyway, right? This informative post is titled "21 Tactics to Increase Blog Traffic". Study this and put their ideas into action. I plan to. For instance, their tip for Number Three is: Write Title Tags with Two Audiences in Mind. I know exactly who visits this blog because of Uncle Vinnie's staff. There are these: studious blogging dummies, nerds, famous s & m's (no names!), thrill seekers, depressed people who seriously need a laugh, and the alphabet soup gangs.
And Number Six fits right in with the theme of this post, does it not? The suggestion is to "Launch without Comments (and Add Them Later). Sure, add them when you're ripped, and a crazy-a** name comes to you like "sprezzatura"...then sneak over to your friend's computer and write glowing reviews about your blog and diss other blogs, especially enemy blogs at the same time. Then carefully wipe down the computer keys or better yet, blow up the computer Mission Impossible style or do something, anything so there is notrail that it was YOU WRITING THE COMMENTS. Yup, this is how it's done in the Big City students. Once again, I stress to you: don't always believe everything you read or hear. Just sometimes. And don't get caught. Ya hear! Unless you want more spankings.
Toodles for the next stretch of time. I know you're gonna miss me, and who knows, I might even miss you too! I might pop in with a quickie or two from the road. Be well, study and prepare for the spanking you so much deserve.