Class called to order! Where have I been you ask? Researching and nerding out like usual. Hey, the blogosphere is a giant beast, and to peek into all its crevices takes time & energy! The GOOD NEWS is I am loaded down with tips, links and ridiculous information which you may ponder where to file.
Let's begin with this excellent article in the New York Times titled "Les Blogs Herald France's Newest Inalienable Right" by Thomas Crampton. The French are so ahead of Americans, Britons and Germans with blogging it isn't even funny! Even the French president has a blog.
Would you like to learn how to add a link to an online newspaper article? Here's what you do: Look on your dashboard. I am using the Blogger platform, so I will use Blogger as my example, but most platforms have ways to add links. See that funny looking thing that looks like it came from the green lagoon? It's the third icon from the left. This is what you want to click on after you have highlighted whatever it is that you would like to provide a link to. A little box will pop up, and you will type your link in there. Don't forget to click on 'ok', or it won't be ok, and you will pull your hundrenth millionth hair out as I have done. Were it not for the fact that I have lots of hair, I would have been bald long ago. Trust me!
You know why I like the prestigious New York Times versus the equally prestigious Wall Street Journal? It's very simple: I can link to their stories. With the WSJ, it is nearly impossible to do so. Read what Techdirt (a great nerdy info rich site) has to say about the WSJ in their article titled "Does The Wall Street Journal Risk Becoming Irrelevant?" Quoting one line from this article, "Many people are giving up on the Wall Street Journal, in part because they can't link to the stories." That's how I feel too. How about ya'll? Care to comment? Don't get me wrong...the WSJ carries some excellent articles about blogging. I just can't link to them, and this is frustrating as I would like to share them with you. One article titled "Find a Blog" by Geoffrey A. Fowler would have been great to share with you. Now you will have to go find this article for yourself if you're interested because of the lack of my ability to link to it.
But not to worry. I will give you the ways to find a blog on my own. Here's the ways:
I didn't list ALL of the many ways to search for blogs, but this will introduce you to the Biggies.
My homework for you: start searching for blogs. Learn your way around. Observe. And then share with me/us when you find something fabulous! I have started yet another blog (I know...don't even go there with me...I'm addicted...I admit it!). My new blog's focus is on fabulous sites, and it's title is Way Khool Sites. I couldn't help myself because I have discovered so many way khool sites that I needed to showcase them! Oy Vey.
Class Dismissed! Remember the tip jar. It's called Paypal, ya dunce!
Yoohooo Class--I'm back with great leads, ideas and links. I have been researching them for us! Believe me when I write, "We have a long road ahead of us."
To begin with, note the odd-ball mixture of links on my sidebar. I want you to have fun with learning more about the blogosphere, so I have thrown the professorial in with the celebritorial. There are some fun, crazy links and some links with serious blogging tricks. You never know how I will present information to you, so be on your toes. I've got your back, so you can dare to be on your toes, eh?
You will need to have Mozilla Firefox on your computer and Stumble Upon will be downloaded right underneath your Mozilla toolbar. Once your stumbling around, you will have the ability to give a thumbs up or thumbs down to all the sites that you stumble upon through the world wide weird. And if you happen to stumble upon me, your adorable teacher, give me the finger, ok? The one that goes UP!
And my final sharing of the day: this one comes to you from the dude at blogger-tricks
In his latest posting he writes about a 'favicon'. I warn you: this guy is super blogger crafty, smart and way more informed that me, your blondilicious teacher who is just a quark up from ya'll, remember? So you are going to have to be on your tippy toes with his tricks and tips. Once you understand what he's sharing, explain it to me in rea-a-a-lly simple terms, won't you?
One more thing before I buzz out of here. Please check in on my two newest blogs:
Class called to order! I have a "Blond" coming-on which translates in my emotional body to 'it's time to get back over here at Blog-Blond and rant a little'! Yes, you heard me right. I'll resume Bloggers Anonymous after I get my rant out.
Actually, it's a mini-multiple rant mixer, so buckle your seat belts--the ride will be just a bit bumpy--so Hear Ye, Hear Ye: Listen Up!
I want you to go within and inquire: have your blogging boundaries been crossed--have these things happened to you too--and how did you feel about it?
1. Your boundaries are not being respected. Because you're blogging (rather than working on a major project such as a world-class best-selling novel or selling a multiple level marketing product that will make you a gadzillion dollars in your fantasies), others think they can interrupt you, ask you mind-numbing, dull-a** questions, attempt to chat with you for hours on the phone, or request that you run an errand for them which will take you out of your blog zone and into the dead zone.
2. Your pay-out hasn't happened yet with your blog because your blog is new, and it takes time to monetize your blog. Therefore, blogging isn't considered respectable by your peers because it hasn't yet paid off. You are scorned for being a dreamer and a blabbing dreamer at that. The subject of blogging is quickly changed to the downturn of the stock market.
3. You are still in a huge blog learning curve, and sometimes for no reason known to mice or men your sidebar sags on Internet Explorer but not on Firefox. Thus, you are frantic and want to fix it, but alas, no one is around to assist because they are busy blogging, working or not replying to your desperate emails... therefore you feel abandoned by others. On the other end of the equation, you (whose sidebar is 'not' sagging anymore) are trying to finish your d***** blog and not fix sidebars anymore. It took you forever to fix your own sag, ya know?
4. You receive a lovely comment on your blog as I did recently. Read my comments on the recent Blog-Blond. It had a whiff of marketing to it, but hey, it's a Comment for heaven's sake! Someone actually wrote a comment! So you publish it (as I did), and the next thing you know you're surfing other blogs, and you discover (mock horror) the identical comment on someone else's blog which confirms you've been played. It's no big-deal really (we're big boyz and girlz here right?), and this is just another lesson on the blurry bloggy briar patch path. However, you are left with a feeling that someone has crossed your boundary.
5. You hand your beautiful (not inexpensive!) blogging card to someone who is pretending to be your friend, and they contemptuously push it away on the dinner table and won't even take it from you! They act as if blogging is beneath them.
You are probably 'getting-it' that ALL of these boundary-crossings have happened to your adorable, lovable teacher, which indeed they have! However, I know more than a little about the Laws of the Universe which apply to Boundary Crossings, Etiquette, and Sweet Revenge which I will share with you.
First--from the Law of the Universe Workbook: Focus on what you want and NOT ON WHAT YOU DON'T WANT! Consider this: the negative polarity is dominant in the human experience game, and sadly this is where all these "Boundary Crossers" are hanging-out. Let's call their hang-out The B****** Boundary-Crossing Bar. They are sitting around slugging back beers because beers start with 'b', and they're boozing and bragging about how they bugged you. However, they don't know that you resonate to the frequency of the awakened Blog-Blond and their stuff has slid off you like sweat on a hot summer day. They resonante on the same low frequency which is not the frequency you resonate with at all. It's really that simple. While they are belching their beers, you are busily enjoying life and focusing on positive subjects such as getting your blog crawled by Google, deciding which advertising sponsor you are going to put on your blog, dessert, divine roses and back-up support from Sekhmet who knows a thing or too about sweet revenge. Roar! Sekhmet's Roar is high on the scale of fabulosity!
Number two is learn to say the word NO! This is unacceptable.
Class, as you may recall I don't post much on Friday as business (lunches) are a Friday event for me! Thus, I will only give you two brief recovery stories and a fabulous blog to study over the weekend if you really desire to get those coveted one-way links to your blog.
"My wife urged me, no...she bugged me the $@#(^^! to get my OWN blog! So I did so she would shut up, ya know? The next thing you know I gave up my job as a dentist, moved into my yurt and began blogging day and night, night and day until all the days merged into one giant blur. If I had known there was going to be a Blogathon, I would have joined in as I was blogging non-stop...hell, I could have done two days on the blogathon, and I wasn't even using. I was building the first blogging encylopedia until I was forced to stop by an intervention."
"It is as if I was possessed by entities who wanted me to write about their lives when they lived on Atlantis. Who knew that such a thing could happen with the harmless hobby of blogging? I was checked into a mental ward where I begged the nurses to get me a computer, and they all shook their heads knowingly. I guessed they were secretly blogging on their breaks."
Enough of that...moving onto the serious shit now: Study this article by the Blogging Fool as it is a masterpiece. If you're really into building one way links to your blog, the Blogging Fool's information is priceless. Thank you Blogging Fool. Hey, you're really smart...you must be trying to tell us something else with that name, uh?
PS Have a fab vacation Luna, you darling angel! She's the artistic genius who made this gorgeous Blog-Blond template.
Class Dismissed....don't forget to tip me! I'm worth it, baby!
Yes, class...I admit I put myself into blogging detox--well, not totally or I couldn't be posting this, now could I? The result was this immense 'download' as to why blogging is so addictive. I am borrowing some ideas from another well-known organization that deals with addictions. I offer these steps to suggest when we have gone overboard on blogging...and this applies especially to Blog Explosion devotees...you know who you are!
So class...Let's begin with Step One:
"We admitted we were powerless over our blogging addiction--that our Blogging Selves had turned us into blogging junkies."
Step Two: "Came to believe that links, battles, blogging games and comments by others could not give us self-esteem."
Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our dogs as they will demand we leave the computer and take a walk."
Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless disposal of our computers by hiding them under heavy rugs so we won't be tempted to blog or log onto Blog Explosion to ShoutOut."
Step Five: "Admitted to God, our parakeet and our dependants the exact nature of our delusion."
Step Six: "We're completely fed up and ready to take back our fingers, eyeballs, and carpal tunnel ailment so we can attend to housework, brushing our teeth, paying bills and other such life necessities."
Step Eight: "Made a list of all the blogging link folk we'd been kind to who hadn't reciprocated a link and vowed to let them all waft away into the murk of our memory banks."
Step Nine: "Insulted and provoked the blogging professionals, especially when to do so meant we were going to be on their shit list throughout eternity."
Step Ten: "Continued to take personal inventory and, when we thought about it, danced to "It's Raining Men" with the music turned up as loud as possible without having the neighbors call the police.
Step Eleven: "Sought through charitable acts, volunteering and door-to-door panhandling to improve our community relations in an effort to communicate verbally again."
Step Twelve: "Having saved ourselves (and our tushies from becoming mucho grandissimo) and as a result of these steps, we vowed to warn others and carry the blogging-beware message everywhere, even if we have to time-travel backwards into the dire 21st Century."
In the next class I will share stories of recovery and pitch my blogging secrets of "How to Blog and Get Away With It While Making a Trillion Dollars", and I will sell you this cheesey package for only $49.95 plus lots of freebies by important writers whom you really don't like because of their smug grins but who are revered as high muckety-mucks in the Blogosphere.
Ahem....class called to order. Yes, I know...TGIF! So I'll make this rant/lesson a fairly short one today. Here's your homework assignment for the weekend: I want you to consider why you blog, and then post your comments to me. Do you blog for readership, attention and desire to educate others as your snarky teacher does? Or do you blog for release and getting something off your hairy chest so you don't have to punch someone out? Or are you a lusty teenage girl who is dealing with aching desires and have no one else to share your feelings with? I REALLY want to know because I've been doing research on blogging aversion and discrimination as well as pondering online posts by (pompous-a**) bloggers referencing who and why people blog. From my own experiences and reactions from far-from-with-it friends, I am beginning to understand more about why blogging is a mystery to many, why it's been 'put-down' by others, and why some dismiss it with a look of disgust and a sneer on their face.
For instance, some people think that only teenage girls writing in cute-speak with bad grammar blog. Huh? What rock have these retards been living under? Others seem to think that blogs are merely online personal journals. Say what, you schmuck?! The ignorance and dismissive attitude from others I have encountered about blogging has blown my mind. A friend shared a hilarious story with me about a conversation he had with a relative he told about blogging. This other (I name no names here unless tickled with a pink feather for hours) person kept repeating the word 'cog'. My friend would repeat the word 'blog', but this other could only hear the word 'cog' because there was never a word such as blog in their school books.
Another issue I have is with pompous blog pundits who write that no one gives a s*** about you unless you're a celebrity. What total b.s.! Granted your blog may not have high rankings and links, but someone, somewhere may be fascinated with your posts. You must have some bored friends in jail who wants to read your blogs, right? We live in a society where voyeurism is at an all-time high and reality shows are the name of the game. Trust me--if you wanna write about yourself, and use the word "I", don't let these know-it-all's stop you. My only caveat would be to leave out certain words that will bring H******* S******* knocking on your door, if you know what I mean jellybean. Let your innerself out, and when you've been offered a big fat publishing contract to turn your blog into a book, you can thank your blondilicious teacher. I'm expecting each and everyone of my students to be a star!
My parting words of the day before you go off to your weekend's mis-adventures and take a pratfall in a public place because your mind was on something you wanted to blog: be proud that you're a blogger! Leave your blogging business cards everywhere you go! If you alienate friends with your blogging tales, well--you know what I think and feel--so 'nuf said.
Cheerio....don't forget me on your way out. The Paypal is right there on the sidebar! See ya!
Class called to order! We have lots of ground to cover today in our Jimmy Choo's or barefeet...whatever! I want to point out a wise comment made by marie b. regarding my last posting. I quite agree with her in that it's "tacky" to link with someone just to get them to link back if there isn't an agreed upon link exchange program. Thank you marie b. for bringing this valid point to our sumptious table. When I was posting my three week 'strike-you're-out-of-my-blog' rule if you fail to reciprocate as you said you would, I was referring to friends and/or link exchanges who don't walk their blog-etiquette. Total strangers approaching one for a link are an animal of a different stripe. My thoughts on this for complete clarity: we choose whom we wish to link with! It's a free blogging world! If you feel like you outta, shouldha, scheme-to (because it's your best friend's extremely wealthy mother-in-law who might sponsor advertising on your blog someday) or are forced to by the Blog Godfather's punks (mock shiver), then link-love is on it's way to link-hell. As it stands now, none of these apply to me, and I pray they don't apply to you! Yeh, sure there are some blogs that you link to out of pity, compassion, golden-oldie friendship and such, and these are just part of life. C'est la vie! Now let's all go to Paris soon and blog our dharma there together. Oui?
When it comes down to it, there's more important things than your blog rankings/links. Getting into a size 0 Balenciaga gown for a special event, paying your credit card bills in a timely way so your electricity doesn't get shut off and you can't blog and being generous with tasty treats for your pet should have a much higher priority in your life. Don't you agree?
Now onto business! If you could see how much shit I have to type in to give you this important link, you will truly believe I care for you! I was shocked myself when I saw it. Could I actually type that many eensy-weensy letters and symbols in one row so you could read this New York Times article titled "A Blog Mogul Turns Bearish on Blogs". The code is actually 111 characters. Do I have the love, the patience, the steady hand, the grip on reality, the eagerness to beg-to-differ with this gentleman to go for it? We shall see....read here!
Whew! I did it! I will paraphrase a Benjamin Franklin quote here but substitute coffee for beer, "Coffee is proof that God is real and he loves us." Ok, back to this big-shot blog mogul. I will dole some truth out to ya'll, but I will use it sparingly so it doesn't cause too much stink: I don't agree with Mr. Mogul when he is quoted as saying, "...The world does not need more blogs...there is approximately one reader for every blog out there." Easy enough for him to say so everyone can read his Gawker blog.
I stand strong (on my blog soap box) for blogs and the exercise of blogging! Blogging is for every-man, every-woman, every-child, every-alien, every-critter that wants to express! It's about time that publishing was taken out of the hands of the elite and turned over to the common folk. Let everyone rant, rave, roar, ramble and reminisce. Are ya with me class? Let me know your feelings on this subject. I wanna hear from you!
See you soon with more important dish. Don't forget that tip jar!!!
Class...yoo hoo! Your snarky teacher is back and loaded up (or down) with lots of goodies to share with you! First, I presume by now that you have experienced the phenomena known in the blog world (and coined by your very own blondie) as 'Link Snub'. Oh yes, this happens to all of us as bloggers until we become become rich, powerful and famous. For those of you who haven't experienced this phenomena yet, let me explain what Link Snub is, how it feels and how you can sate your thirst for revenge-- but not with this half-empty, delicious Cocoa Cola displayed above. This photo is simply doing it's job as "product placement" which is making in-roads into every aspect of our lives, and since I haven't viewed product placement on anyone else's blog yet, I figured I would lead the way with product placement right here on mine! I am ambitious to monetize my blog, so why not!
Back to being snubbed when you have politely asked some other blogger to reciprocate with a link, and you have already added their link to your sidebar, but they never respond to your email or add your link to their sidebar. So you ask yourself--wassup? Why are they being so rude? How dare they! They probably are exactly what you are thinking they are-- which is TFM for short or Total F****** Morons for long! However, before you get all pissy, cut them some slack and imagine all the reasons why they couldn't respond to you or add your link to theirs. Here are some possible and likely reasons:
1. They are on vacation and don't have access to email or computer. 2. Their computer had a virus and died on them or something like that. 3. They are hospitalized and have a pending date with St. Peter. 4. They are having a crisis of some kind....maybe a tornado snatched them or they got abducted by aliens who have a different kind of computer system that doesn't allow blogging (or only censors mirthful blogs) or they got out of the bed on the wrong side, but there wasn't a floor that morning, and then they fell down a black hole into another universe without computers and they have desperately been fighting off hordes of purple, slimy monsters (that actually have a strange resemblance to them in a weird kind of way) trying to get back to their computer to add your link so you won't be fuming about their link snub. 5. They moved to Maui, changed their last name to dolphin, stuck a eagle feather in their hair and are telling everyone they are some grand phoobah shaman and all the woo-woo's buy it. Harems of women/men dote on him/her and bring organic green salads for lunch with freshly squeezed papaya juice. Frankly, he/she could care less about links. What links they ask in their fake French: alors, la! as they raise their hands towards their shoulders with palms outward as their lower lip protrudes at the same time their eyebrows rise. He/she looks so terribly innocent even though that eagle feather most likely was lifted from some poor chap at the Last Burning Man Festival. What they're really wanting to say to you is this: J'm'en fous! Or worse...something like Fug You!
Clearly, you can see from the above listed possibilities (and there are endless ones) that you can't let your mind go nutso about the TFM, now can you?! Don't let it eat at you as a rejection....carry on! Take their link off your sidebar if they haven't responded to you in at least three weeks. That is plenty enough time for them to recover their sanity, return from wherever or die. It's that simple. However, if you're still holding a grudge, go to Amazon.com and type in the word rejection. You will see 616 titles with the word rejection in it. Apparently at one time or another, everyone has been rejected! This list includes God, Jesus, the Beatles, and every successful author, scientist, visionary, and musician at one time or another. Now it's your turn. Hey, you're in good company. Let the TFM eat your dust. Blog on!
Class dismissed....and don't forget to tip the teach! Have a crazy 4th, but not on the roadway...be crazy and kind to all. This will earn you merit so you will get into Bloggers Heaven where lots of schwag awaits you.