Class called to order! Listen Up! I want to speak about serious matters today. Here's what I think is happening over at Technorati: the spiders have revoltedand aren't doing their jobsanymore. I have informed Technorati that they haven't updated certain of my blogs, but NO REPLY. I think it's because the folks at Technorati don't know what to do about their revolting spiders. Perhaps the spiders got ahold of some drugs. It's entirely possible. Look at the webs at Cannabis.
As you can see, these webs are pretty messy, not at all like normal high-designer symmetrical webs most spiders weave who haven't been fed drugs. Why would some 'freak' feed spiders drugs is beyond me, but as you know, scientists are sometimes way freaky! Check out the Einstein email on my Blog Blond Media Center!
In any event, perhaps one of these aberrant scientists slipped drugs to the spiders at Technoratibecause Technorati isn't showing my different blogs updated --even though I update most of them every day....especially my blog Wailea Daily Photo which is (duh!) a daily blog!If you go to Technorati and type in my blog address, you will see for yourself, what a mess those Technorati spiders are making. You will see that it shows that this blog hasn't been updated in 74 days! And recently the drugged-out spiders stopped counting and updating my other blog Who's Yo Mama as well, and the stats at Technorati show that this blog hasn't been updated in five days! This is ridiculous since I updated it again yesterday as I do every day!
My conclusion: the spiders of Technorati either have been drugged or have decided not to work for the low pay scale they were being paid. Or possibly they don't like the new owners or they're overworked, understaffed and have gone on strike. I dunno for sure what the reason is, but I feel sorry for those poor spiders!
Here's what to do in case you have had the same challenge as your Blondalicious Teacher: try these two remedies.
First, ping Pingoat which is a free RELIABLE service that notifies everybody in the galaxywhen you have updated your blog. They're free and fabulous! Their spidersaren't on drugs, understaffed, p.o.'d, or having an Alzheimer's episode. If you notice (after you have checked ALL the boxes and Pingoat is finished pinging), you will see that most likely, it will show that Technorati's connection failed. Out of my eight or so plus blogs, some blogs show Technorati with the word "done" and most show Technorati "failed".
Second, use the Social Meterto determine where your blog really is vis a vis links. Faster than the speed of light (well, almost!), Social Meter will give you a neat and tidy print-out of ALL your links, not just Technorati links. These links include: Bloglines, Delicious, your Digg score, Google, Rojo, Shadows, Technorati, and Yahoo.
Last, but hardly least, an ANNOUNCEMENT: La Luna is working on a re-design of this gorgeous blog and spiffing her up even more! So keep on coming back ya'll to check out the new, cleaner version of Blog-Blond soon. La Luna's gonna roll up some links and do all sorts of necessary re-design! I even asked her to check-out those Technorati spiders. Perhaps she can help them get straight again?! She will succeed, and that is why I have dubbed her the La Luna because she is very, very good at what she does! Her site is: Lunastemplates
Don't forget to check out my recent fan mail at the Blog-Blond Media Center. Just click on the link for it right under the scantily clad Blond Header.
Ta ta my dahlings!
I'm gonna add the Technorati tags here just for the helluva it! We'll see. Miracles happen.
Class called to order! Now Listen Up! I have news that you want to pay close attention to. It has been reported in the New York Times (read the story here)that "one of Hollywood's top fivetalent agencies have created an online unit devoted to scouting out up-and-coming creators of Internet content--particulary video--and finding work for them in Web-based advertising and entertainment, as well as in the older media."
United Talent Agency isn't just looking for video talent...they're looking for blogging talent, and that could be you! Yes, you with the Doritos bag in one hand and a beer in the other reading my post. Have you been posting anything of merit on your blogs? Or have you been half-a***** it & whining again in your posts? If so, then it's time to get your a** in gear, for the opportunity may soon present itself to you to get a paying gig. The article quotes JohnMoshay, head of business development for Whittman Hart, an interactive advertising agency, "...we're at a tipping point: the marketplace is just beginning to ramp up its demand for true talent like this."
As for me--I'm going to purchase my own PaPeRo as soon as they come on the market and teach it to blog for me. What, you don't know of what I speak?! Read about it here, but if you're too lazy/stoned/sleepy to click the link provided, I'll tell you about this amazing solution to many of our life issues: shortage of time and energy.
Japanese engineers invented a humanoid robot called PaPeRo--short for Partner-type Personal Robot--to do just about everything imaginable for you: check your email, dance with your children, massage your feet, call and break up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend because you're just not that into them anymore since the PaPeRo entered your life, put the toilet seat down, track your children, scare the sh** out of your burglars, dial obscene phone calls, feed your cat, tune your tv, and other things we can't write about here because nomatter what anyone thinks, this is NOT an Adult Site! It may look like an adult site because of the header, but that's as far as the adult part goes. Sure, I may insinuate, lie a little, embellish a lot, but I don't go into Adult Territory. I'm your teacher with a crackling whip to snap you into good blogger form, and I mean business. With that clear, does anyone want to be my temporary PaPeRo until I get my new toy? I have posts for you to write to impress the Hollywood sharks....err, agents.
Class: we're back in business. Yes, I know it's a Sunday, but you're lucky to find me posting because there are many days when I'm just too busy. Today I wanted to share with you a BigEvent: Blog-Blond Lost Her Blog-virginity...and on purpose! (Seductive, sneaky Smile!) Want the details? Sure you do!
THE Blog-Blond selected her favorite cartoonist known as The Stik to be the first one she battled in a Battle of the Blogs on Blog Explosion...knowing full-well that Stik would win. I figured if I was going to loose my blog-viriginity, I might as well do it with the famous, right? Another reason-- where else could I get a post header such as the one above: Stik Stuck It To Me? Third reason: it only cost me 58 credits! Where else could I buy that kind of publicity and shameless self-promotion?
Some bloggers on Blog Explosion Battle of the Blogs pride themselves on being the Biggest Loser like Chris Hamburger for example. He rants about losing, but I sense that's a feeble rant. He's carved himself a niche which works for his promotion. Yes, sometimes we have to make others feel sorry for us or gloat that we're losers to win favor. The human species is a strange species, for they root for the underdog or for their buddies in their respective cliques, BUT the moment the underdog CLAIMS popularity, success or reknown, the same people that rooted for the underdogs want to pull them down. Envy is an ages-old phenomena, and so much so that you can easily predict which couple is going to break up. Were we originally hard-wired in our genes to be envious, or did we become this way?
In any event, I feel complelled to make you envious because I have to go to lunch with my fabulous, fun, rich friends. Just kidding! I wanted to hear that gasp of envy from all over the world one mo' time for the h** of it. Seriously, I will be licking my woundsall alone from loosing my battle with Stik. Now doesn't that feel bettah for you? You like me again, right? If not, then pull those britches down right now!
Note the new links on my sidebar towards the BOTTOM. These geeks are the REAL THING. So real they might not even know who the Great Stik is!
This is the final part of the four-part interview with Blog-Blond published on Blogwylde.
I read your parody of AA on your blog, but you didn't finish it. It was quite funny. Are you planning to add more posts?
BB: Absolutely! I've had so much on my plate this year flying around with Paris, Nicole and Lindsay that I often become distracted. This parody may be added to the book. You know how editors love to use their little red pens, so we'll see!
In this age of networked everything, what do you foresee for bloggers?
BB: Mo-blogging, texting, fluid identities, overlapping illusional, surreal worlds, spectaculargraphics, and technology will keep bloggers busy trying to keep up, sane and somewhat balanced. The circus is barely getting started as creativity is blooming on the net. Check out this Search Engine. Play with her for awhile as I did--a woman after my own heart. Watch her work that crop! See what I mean? A talking, sexy search engine!! What's next? Hold on to yer knickers because it's gonna be a blast for bloggers.
There has been some talk you are working on a screenplay. Care to comment?
BB: Many friends would like to have a part in the film...a bit of pressure! This may be a situation I can't blog my way out of. Oy vey!
One last question: Do you believe anyone buys this spoof?
BB: It's unimportant whether others buy it or not. This is an exercise in art creating life. You do know that's how it works, right?!
This is the third part of the four-part series of the interview published in Blogwylde.
Rumor has it there is a bidding war going on among publishers for the rights for the Blog-Blond book? Tell us about this.
BB: You would have to ask my agent for the details, but yes...there is a bidding war happening I have been told by my agent. My book would be the FIRST book to blend sex, blogging,shameless name-dropping, sappho-moric humor and campy crap. Who knows what will happen given the state of the publishing industry?
Rumor also has it that there is a code hidden within each of your posts. Care to elaborate on this?
BB: If I were to share this information, you know how the joke goes....I'd have to...! Just kidding! To make it simple: isn't there a code within everything that's written? Metaphors, innuendos, allusions, hints or symbolism abound in practically every printed material and/or image. The question should be: is there any deep meaning to the encoded information?
Well, is there?
BB: No! Maybe! Err---yes, a little! Hah! How is that for a political answer?
What would you say is the key to your success as a blogging expert?
Humor is the lure. The hook to get a readership to return to your blog is the meat, the content. I always try to offer something of value in my postings such as plugging otherbloggers, blog information, offering up guest-bloggers's wisdom and basically creating an educational blog where everything isn't so d******* serious. I want people to have fun while learning when they visit my blog.
What is your favorite color?
BB: Black (lingerie)
The Story of O (a classic)
The final installment of this four-part interview will be posted on the next blog.
Class, this is gonna be a quickie today, and I will return with the next segment of the interview in a following post. I wanted to inform you of something I read recently online in USA Today. The article was titled "Jury awards 11.3M over defamatory Internet posts". You can read the total article here.
I'll summarize for you (very briefly) what happened: a woman posted nasty things (name-calling) about another woman on the Internet. The p.o.'d lady sued this lady who doesn't have two nickels to rub together, and the judge awarded the upset lady this huge settlement! Now if you recall, I have posted in earlier posts:never blog mad, drunk, on any kind of weirdsubstance and when you're out of control. Remember? This lawsuit is what can happen to you. Be kind to one another, and if you have a dispute, you probably have some Uncle Vinnie somewhere in your family tree like I do. Tell him your complaint! Better yet, talk to a counselor, hit a pillow or find someway to get even without blogging or blabbing about it on thenet. Capische?
The Best: keep your karma clean and practice random acts of kindness. Share your knowledge as your teacher does. Build up your soul bank account for this is the only thing you're gonna take with you.
This is the second part of a series done for the popular magazine Blogwylde.
I would prefer we skip the technicalities and the advanced physics and go straight to the rumors about you. For instance, is it true that at one time "The Woz" and you were a hot item and that you had a tempestuous relationship?
BB: Absolutely untrue! As far as I know, Stevie's a family man. I've never even laid eyes on the guy much less anything else. However, he's my kind of guy in the sense that he's a genius, inventive, spiritual, eccentric, playful and goofy in a charming way. Plus who wouldn't want to do it with a guy who has a street called "The Woz Way" named after them? I mean, how hot is that?!
And what about the rumor that you have many alias's in the blog world?
BB: Once again, absolutely untrue. Most of my blogs are with Blogger, and despite my overblown blog-deification because of my suddenly showing up on the blog scene in full hottiegear, I am having trouble keeping UP with the blogs I put my name stamp on. I am a prolific proseltizer for blogs and have been known to speak out about the blogification of the world to the blog-reluctant, and perhaps my emails and impassioned speeches to publicists, lobbyists and the high and mighty were the breeding ground for such a silly rumor.
Is it true that when you blog that you wear fetish gear? It's also been reported you have a superstition you must blog in certain fashion designers apparel when you make a post such as a reported Dolce & Gabbana mini-dress and David Yurman jewelry.
BB: I'm crazy about the designers you mentioned and sure, I wear their clothes. They're sexy! I also love Roberto Cavalli and Fendi to name a few more. However, I'm like every other slob blogger in that I blog in comfortable clothes, although without a doubt mine are likely skimpier. It helps to post a va-va-voom blog when one is feeling va-va-voomy, right?
Who are your blog mentors? Anyone you care to mention?
BB: There are so many. Where would I begin? Lately I've been studying the work of the Blog Squad. Patsi and Denise sure know their biz!
Part Three of Part Four will follow. Don't forget to check out Blog-Blond's media center here.
Blogging For Fun and Profit (Mostly Fun): Guest Blogger
Class, today I am offering you something different from my usual oddball, quirky posts. I am offering you something substantial: a successful blogger who knows of what she writes through the school of experience. I discovered her surfing through the blogosphere, read the interviews she did with others, became intrigued with her posts, and thus inquired if she would be so kind as to write a guest post. She agreed, and today it's finally happening!
Like your blogalicious teacher, she is a Blogging Babe with multiple blogs. Elizabeth McQuern has the triple gifts of teaching, writing and blog-woman-ship! Most of her blogs will be listed at the end of this article plus the latest piece she contributed to another blog. Listen Up to what this phenomenal blogger has to teach you about the Art of Blogging! We are fortunate that she has agreed to share her wisdom with us. And without further ado, ta da! I give you Elizabeth McQuern.
When I started blogging in earnest almost two years ago, I had no idea that what began as a regular exercise in commentary on variously sifted internet-derived information would play the role it has in changing my career and life. As I began writing my first blog, I was kicking around the possibility of moving to Chicago to "become a writer" (whatever that meant).
When I finally moved to Chicago last year, I had a strong business background, but very little writing experience - yet I knew writing and communications were what I needed to pursue. I attended a writer's workshop, took a few classes, and kept blogging (mostly for my own amusement).
Through the magic of Google, my personal blog led to out-of-the-blue offers to write for similarly-themed sites and publications (which, in turn, led to other offers, and so on). In the last few months I've had the opportunity to immerse myself in Chicago comedy culture, interview local and national comedy figures, and branch out into multimedia production (video and audio interviews). All of this has been blog-driven, and all of it has led to "real life" opportunities.
People blog for many reasons - to keep up with a lifelong hobby or interest, to run pop culture through their unique filter, to keep a comical running tally of the domestic offenses of their weird roommate. But blogging can complement and accelerate personal creative development as well. I've interviewed a couple of art bloggers who outline the development of some of their visual art projects online, and I've seen young filmmakers documenting their creative evolution with running blog commentary on projects they showcase online, all of which is fascinating to read.
If nothing else, blogging can help establish a regular writing habit, from which improvements in style and skill should follow. I can track some subtle but notable changes in my writing since I began imposing my ideas on the online world, which I attribute partly to the strength of the habit, and partly due to the give-and-take nature of the medium. Feedback from readers, who tend to let me know which of my posts they find the most entertaining, has shaped my sense of how to really engage readers, which is an invaluable skill for someone who hopes to be able to appeal to a broad audience.
Of course, if you tend to blog on a particular topic, regular blogging can help you develop deeper knowledge in a specific area, as well. As it happens, in my blog I was writing about my life transition from small-town Indiana to Chicago, which included mentions of everything from wacky public transportation adventures to comedy writing classes at Chicago's esteemed Second City, and since then, comedy's presence in my life has snowballed. From my experience, if you blog about it, it will come back to you threefold (or something like that).
It's also exciting to think about the nearly limitless boundaries of blogging. Early on, most blogs were simple text affairs with links and maybe a picture or two, but now you can enhance the record of your online life with video you took two minutes ago, or pictures you snapped on your camera phone ten seconds before putting it online. I think videoblogging is an interesting phenomenon, and I'd like to see more people doing creative things online with the flexibility that the technology allows.
Blogging has helped me get direction and traction with my new life and career in a way that simply wouldn't have been possible in the pre-internet world, and I encourage others to explore the possibilities as well.
Elizabeth's blogs and contributions to other blogs:
Join the uber-geek Blog-Blond for this exclusive 4-part interview (recently published in Blogwylde), covering BB's personal approach to blogging, the importance of levity, her next book and other upcoming projects, and more more.
When I first discovered your blog, it struck me as an elaborate caper which blurred the line between fiction and reality. As I kept reading your blog, I realized there was much more in your postings than readily met the eye.
BB: You can blame it all on superquarks.
BB: You heard me right! Superquarks in relationship with aerodyamics.
Please expound upon this for me. I know you're deep, but I don't follow.
BB: Assuming a normal Einsteinian universe, superquarks, aerodynamics, and blogging equate to a levitated populace.
This is a bit too byzantine for me. Let's back up.
Where does your juice for blogging derive?
BB: Gonzalez! You know, the Ohio StateUniversity stud that sleeps in the hyperbaric chamber!
Let's approach this interview in a different way. There's a passage in your book where you suggest that the shadowy group running the internet were the hyperdimensionals. You write, "Exploring websites, usenets, and most obviously blogs, we can see very clearly that there is more at play with blogging than childish narcissism. You can see the handiwork of hyperdimensional writers tailoring THEIR storytelling to the diminished mental capacties of most of humankind." Can you go into this more with us?
BB: This other order of beings--the hyperdimensionals--influence us in a myriad of ways, both good and bad. It is up to us to make a choice. There are experiences that go beoynd the limits of thought, and one day, I downloaded the entirety of the vast thoughtforms that are influencing us. At that moment, I comprehended the absurdity of life and realized that levity was/is the answer. We all need to lighten up! Thus began Blog-Blond. This blog is rather like the LOST of television. We've gotten everything turned upside down and backwards. For instance, money doesn't bring happiness. Happiness brings money. Blog-Blond thumbs its nose at the orthodox and makes fun of it to emphasize the backwards, up-side-downness of our skewed viewpoints.
You work shows a deep reverence for established bloggers while at the same time satirizing them.
Exactly! I honor the contribution of the Blog Teachers, the Great Ones, and yet I realize that we can't take blogging too SIRIUS-ly for there are baby bloggers entering the blogosphere from Artcurus, Nibiru, the Pleiades and other even more remote systems.