Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Blog-Blond's 2006 Year In Review



Class: You've heard the saying: "Hit the ground running!"? Well, Jan 1st 2007 could be summed up for me like this: "Hit the ground crawling!" Yes, tis true I drank way too much champagne after we (Blog-Blond & The Blondies) performed at the Coliseum on New Year's Eve. We just kept rockin after performing some of our rap anthems: "I Don't Want Yo Boyfriend--He Wants Me!", "Off The Hook--Into The Hay", and "FlyChick--Fly Away" to a sell-out crowd. You know how it goes...we just kept wanting to do our thang, and so we partied way too hearty. Especially your blondalicious teacher!

I'm recovered (somewhat) now and ready to give you My Year In Review. For me it was a SIZZLING year. For one thing, I began this blog in which I deliver blogging tips, sass, sarcasm, snide interviews, snark, quips, satire, bad puns, and lies served up with hot peppers.

January

Once Big Al G. retired from the F. R. B. with lots of loot, I spent time celebrating his get-away with him (and many others) on one of those un-nameable islands where the rich store their loot. We all plotted how to take some of the loot off his hands or out of his bank account(s). I must say we had a hoot trying to get the loot.

February

My posse and I spent time at the Winter Olympics rooting on our countrywoman who won the 2,900 meter Downhill-and-Around-The-Corner-Til-Falls-Down -Exhausted -Event. We were very proud of her. She finally fell down because there was no more competition, and also so she could join our group for some hot toddies.

March

I spent days shopping for a new home in various parts of the country and elsewhere. With every realtor blowing smoke up my a$$, it was such a HARD decision. That's why I still haven't decided. I'm waiting for the market to show me how low will it go!

April

Meanwhile back at my tropical, luxurious rental, I began feverishly writing lyrics to be put to music. I cruised MySpace, Friendster, YouTube, Blogger, etc. and listened, read, and observed what was hot...or not. I took into account the numbers, did a little crunching, and decided to begin multiple blogs under various alias's or nom de plumes or secret identities. You get the picture, right? My butt grew one size.

May

Blog-Blond is birthed as are many others. I became obsessed with blogging, a true addict. I never left my computer(s) or email. Bad scene. Friends try to lure me away and bribe me with all sorts of goodies. No deal. I was hooked.

June

Speaking of friends...what friends? They all deserted me. If I even mentioned the word 'blog', they would change the subject or put their fingers in their ears and go "doo-do-doo-dah" while rolling their eyes in circles. They looked pretty freaking stupid to me! I began accosting total strangers and proseltysing about blogs, bloggers, and blogging. Most people asked me, "What is a blog...exactly?" I began wearing skimpy outfits to delay their retreat. T*** & A** works every time! Shrug!

July

An intervention occurs one steamy summer morning. I awake to find concerned friends and relatives around my bed and dare-I-say, my laptop? Off to rehab I would have to go if I didn't moderate my blogging. I had a terrible choice to make. So instead of staying around to think about it, I took a little jaunt over to play at the Tour de France bicycle race parties. I watched obsessed bikers, read in the papers and heard on the news the suspicions of doping, and I thought to myself, "aha!". These guys are addicted too--only it is to something socially sanctioned like sports. A light bulb went off.

August

After reading the ridiculous news that Pluto had been demoted as a planet by pompous astronomers and that the killer of Jon Benet Ramsey had turned himself in (which turned out to be false with the stupid aftermath of all the media exposure), I decided this world is more than a little nuts. Actually, I had decided this a long time ago, but I was CLEARLY reminded! Ergo, the former month's light bulb going-on combined with "the world is crazy" mindset put me upon a new path. Which brought me to another vacation...

September

There is nothing like traveling in Texas and the Midwest to underscore my earlier observation--especially with killer spinach in the news and still on the menus everywhere I went. How many alibis can waiters give for the spinach on the menus? How many ribs can one girl eat? How many shopaholics can dance on the tip of a Texas Lone State pin? How hard is it to keep from laughing out loud at the malls? I grieved for Steve Irwin and his family. They are MY people--people that know how to have fun!

October

Returned to Home and Halloween and wondered if these underground nuclear tests conducted by North Korea were real or fiction. Could I believe anything I read in the news anymore? Troubled times these! Isn't everyone always in costume--sort of?

November

The cell phone camera has been called "a beast with a billion eyes" by Time magazine.
It nabbed Michael Richards responding to a heckler in the audience. The cell phone camera is everywhere. Spies abound. Shakespeare was right: life is a stage. Might as well perform. That's it! Got it? Blog it!

December

Wii fever strikes America, and people line up or camp out the night before the store opens to get one. After so many people crash their new toy into their tv's and other household items including themselves, the victims start a website called Wiihaveaproblem Can life get anymore surreal I asked myself ? Probably most people are too busy drinking & watching football to notice, but We REALLY Do Have A Problem! I'm gonna go write another hit song about this. I think I will title it: "Wussey Wee-Wee's" or maybe "Subdue Yo Man & Keep Him Off My Blog!" Or....





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Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 1:54 PM

3 Comments

  • Anonymous Anonymous posted at Tuesday, January 02, 2007  
    Now my Year can begin with Blondie back posting again. Good Stuff.
  • Blogger Clay Lowe posted at Tuesday, January 02, 2007  
    We all have our vices in one form or another, why not blogging?
  • Anonymous Anonymous posted at Wednesday, January 03, 2007  
    Not following you Clay LOL...

    A most productive year and we all get a little addicted to communication especially if our jobs require sitting in front of a computer most of the day.

    Happy New Year darling!
    Tisha
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