Monday, March 05, 2007

Blog-Blond Investigates The "Popular Bloggers"



Class, there are some mornings when The Blond (i.e. your blondalicious teacher) needs to get something off her chest before she can do anything else....and today is such a day! Thus, I am posting early...something almost unheard of from me, your late night, absentee, tardy, and oh-so-edgy blogging teacher!

I have received numerous emails which ask a similar question, and I'll use a sample quote from one such email:

"How do shitty blogs become so popular?"

This is what I want to know too! Quite simply, many popular blogs s**k BIGTIME, and how do they attract readers, links, fame & fortune? Many of you've probably asked yourself the same question.

Following in the illustrious footsteps of TMZ, my dedicated staff and I are currently investigating, researching, snooping in trash cans, and employing other methods (which we can't tell you about) so that Blog-Blond can write the ULTIMATE UNDERCOVER expose about these P.S. B. (popular shitty bloggers). I believe you'll be pleased with the results and sleep better at night knowing HOW the P.S.B. cheated.

Mind you, not ALL of them have cheated! Some of these P.S.B. merely have dumb luck on their side, and other bloggers were saints in a former lifetime.... and thus have extremely good karma, even when it comes to the time-wasting and grueling hobby known as blogging.

However, we have determined through our (continuing) investigation why SOME of these P.S.B. are successful. (No, I'm not going to name names, but everyone knows who these P.S.B.'s are, don't we?! How can we not? Pu--hlease! Their blogs are boring, self-aggrandizing ads.) We're not including in this list and investigation the obvious ever-popular photography blogs: ahem, the p***o blog genre.

Here's what we have discovered:

One such P.S.B. bribed an entire hospital staff to link to them, vote for them, and write comments. Oh yeh!

Another P.S.B. bought a whole village, installed computers in every home, and enacted a law requiring the townspeople to blog about the P.S.B.'s blog. Sad but true!

Yet another P.S. B. married a high-powered, wealthy Hollywood 'muckety-muck', and others who wish to curry favor from the 'm.m.' (generic hollywood k*** a**), rave about her blog elevating it to blog stardom. (She's a friend of mine for the time being. That is, unless she reads this post and recognizes herself in this post-- which she probably won't since she's totally self-involved.)

These are only three examples with the theme of Money Talks. Fact of life, my sweet, hard(ly)-working blog students! BUT there's still hope for us small-time bloggers. Even if we don't have the massive moolah with which to cheat, AND we choose to play fair-- we can still work into our blogs certain famous names which (if the witch doctor is right) will assist us to catch a reader here and there through search engines: this is why you should probably mention Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, and Humor-blogs.

In the works for Blog-Blond: a talk-radio show where you will HEAR the same dark and edgy tone you read here. I'm currently interviewing co-hosts. Requirements: dark, edgy, snarky, chatty, up-on-current-events, AND submissive. If you think you have what it takes, drop me a comment or email.

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Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 9:14 AM

9 Comments

  • Blogger April Decheine posted at Monday, March 05, 2007  
    I would love to be your co-host! I have been thinking about podcasting etc.. Just haven't put it on my list. I liked poor Anna, I will not use her to get a better rating :-) I saw on ebay a high priced add for the domain name "Britneysbaldhead" ufb.. Hope to here from you! Great blog..
  • Blogger Dave posted at Tuesday, March 06, 2007  
    I am endlessly annoyed by all the get rich quick, paid to click, Agloco trick make your money here blogs.

    Lets not forget all the blogs that are smothered with AdSense boxes, which are virtually pointless... friend of mine announced after 20,000 clicks, Google now owes him $1.64

    Oops, this turned into a /rant.

    Yes, I share your disdain for P.O.S. Bloggers. Keep telling it like it is, you have readers, and we agree!
  • Anonymous Luna posted at Tuesday, March 06, 2007  
    Hey hon! Haven't heard from you in forever! Just wanted to pop on over & say HI!!!!
  • Blogger Charlie Shame posted at Tuesday, March 06, 2007  
    you forgot a certain P.S.B. that sucked enough random unprotected stick to get knocked up and now feels the sharing need to burden the rest of us with endless, underpunctuated narratives about her spina bifida case and the glorious Wicca magics of being a single mom in Akron. Yet a rally of moms circle the wagons around her, as they all share a fvcktange of disgusting pictures displaying their future trisexual children in sailor outfits.
  • Anonymous KC posted at Wednesday, March 07, 2007  
    hfuFirst of all, Thank you for dropping by my blog, without which I wouldn't have found your blog, and had that thoroughly hearty laugh I've just had on account of reading your post, making fun of those "P.S B"s. Unfortunately, I kind of recognized myself as a "SB(shitty blog)", which makes me less dangerous, because I have lesser reach of an audience. Thank god for tender mercies? *lol* So I've decided to link you, because i really loved your post.
  • Blogger Diesel posted at Wednesday, March 07, 2007  
    I am SO submissive I can barely stand to mention it. Forgive me.

    I hear that being stupid enough to blog about your employer and getting fired over it is good for a few hundred thousand readers.
  • Anonymous tom posted at Thursday, March 08, 2007  
    "This Is Not A Sponsored comment" I get annoyed by all the Business Blogs, if they are making this kind of money they should just donate to the Tommy Fund!!
  • Blogger Blog Bloke posted at Monday, March 19, 2007  
    So who's your Favorite P.S.B?
  • Blogger Kuanyin posted at Tuesday, March 20, 2007  
    Blog-Bloke, I just realized we have the same initials! I wonder what this means? Anyways...in answer to your question, I follow the advice of Don Juan, the famous brujo of the Carlos Castaneda books. I will paraphrase his wisdom: when dealing with the "petty tyrants" and specifically a petty tyrant in your world, don't approach them head-on because they have more power, and they'll just trounce you! Use strategy and go around them, and then kick them a good kick in the a$$ and make them eat your dust!Therefore, I am reluctant to name names as I am working my strategy. I hope this answers your question.
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