Saturday, January 31, 2009

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Ons


Class, one of my brightest students, Sueblimely, asked about my Top Five Twitter Turn-On's, and thus, I feel obliged to post these turn-on's. Of course, I'd rather be goofing off like always, but it only seems fair to write something positive to balance the negative tone of my last post, my Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs.

So Listen Up my naughty students and learn My Top Five Twitter Turn-On's:

1. My Number One Twitter Turn-On is: Twitter bios. I enjoy an enormous belly laugh every morning when I open my email to see who has followed me. The bios of many Twitter folk are so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. For example (and mind you I'm just making-up *some* of this, but not ALL of it): "I'm a former meth addict, transexual, priest, and bulimic blogger." Many such Twitter colorful characters make my day!

2. My Number Two Twitter Turn-On is: Fabulous New Acquaintances. I would never have met so many wonderful people in such a short period of time were it not for the Twitter introduction. The kindness, sweetness, and courtesies extended to me in replies have been heart-warming. Yeh, yeh...call me a sucka. Whatever. Kindness goes a long way with me. I appreciate everyone on Twitter who takes the time to either Retweet or respond.

3. My Number Three Twitter Turn-On is: Breaking News. News breaks faster on Twitter than on any other online media! If something BIG happens, post a twit--it will go viral. If I should need to post an important photo or break a story or resolve a problem, Twitter is a tool which is invaluable. This makes me feel somewhat *secure* in a strange kind of way. If the world is finally falling apart, those of us on Twitter will rapidly let each other know this valuable information, right?

4. My Number Four Twitter Turn-On is: Assessing The Zeitgeist. For those of you unfamiliar with the meaning of the word 'Zeigeist', here's the definition offered by Wikipedia, "The word zeitgeist describes the intellectual, cultural, ethical and political climate, ambiance and morals of an era or also a trend. In German, the word has more layers of meaning than the English translation, including the fact that Zeitgeist can only be observed for past events."

With millions of people using or reading Twitter, I'm able to tune into the Zeitgeist and see which way the wind is blowing--a handy-dandy tool.

5. My Number Five Twitter Turn-On is: Ease. Twitter is fast and easy, and blogging takes time and energy! With Twitter I'm zero worried if I make sense. I can quickly copy a quote from my files, post it, and then I'm on to my daily carousing. Or I can post one word if I choose to be cryptic. What's not to love about this???

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

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Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 3:04 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs


Class: I know you must be wondering where I've been, and I could lie to you and tell you all sorts of b.s., but in truth, I've been studying the ins-and-outs of Twitter.

Since receiving funding last year, Twitter has rapidly grown in popularity, and now more and more followers are crowding my Inbox every day! I'm terrified to open my email now because it's clogged with Twitter followers. The munchkins of the world are now twittering away.

What's going on is a massive mainstream awareness of Twitter, and so non-techies, marketers, hustlers, and freaks of every shape are jumping onboard. Some of these new Twitter folk don't even make a post before they begin adding hundreds of people--a complete no-no in my book!


Listen Up to read My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs, and puhhlease don't make these mistakes!

1. Do NOT DM me with a link to a freebie 'anything', gift, or course. Don't DM me to plug yourself or your company. GROAN! Unless I know you, I'll delete your DM in a NY City second. Just because I accepted you as a friend and followed you back doesn't give you the right to annoy me and tell me how effing great you are.

2. Do NOT follow me, and then after I've followed you back, you then unfollow me for I'll track your rotten a** down and immediately unfollow you. You'll have accomplished nothing with your stupid little gaming. I have a LONG memory, and I'll block ya. Ya better believe it.

3. Do NOT DM me a message to follow you on Facebook and then NOT follow me on Twitter. What kind of fool are you? Your ego needs a shrink wash, and I'm the gal to crack the whip!

4. Do NOT reply to me with stupid pick-up lines such as, for example, this one: "Tell me all about yourself. I can't wait to get to know you." Barf me out. Like I'm gonna spill the beans to a total stranger in 160 characters.

5. Do NOT leave your face off your profile. I wanna see you. If you've not even taken the time to fill out your profile with a fake face, I'm totally uninterested. Besides, you're probably a scammer.

Actually I have MORE than five turn-offs, but I'll get around to them later. Now I'm sliding into the jacuzzi with my glass of Cristal to completely forget about Twitter turn-offs. I'd rather be turned on!

And after having said all this, if you behave, you can follow me on Twitter! Hah!

This will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

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Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 6:58 PM 4 comments