Saturday, January 30, 2010

Things I Just KNOW

Class, I've been thinking lately. Sometimes that's what I do: think. Amazing, eh?

And since I've been thinking, here some of my rambling thoughts. I'm calling this subject: Things I Just Know.

Pertinent to this 'knowing', here are a couple of things I just KNOW about how this blog, Blog-Blond, is perceived:

1. Disappointment

People surf here most likely thinking they've discovered a s/m blog or a sex blog--they're mystified to discover a humor/satire blog which gives useful blog tips! They read on, and they scratch their heads, and they leave thinking WTF. (I love this part...really I do--lure them in with a sexy header, tease them, and then teach them something! Snap!)

2. Curiosity

Who's this blond babe with the weird sense of humor and celebrity friends? Is she really a blog teacher? What are her credentials? Does her Uncle Vinnie make house calls? Why does she post so infrequently? Is she truly back from the dead?

3. Bewilderment

What kind of blog is this?!

Answer: a humor blog! Most often there is included one or more HOT BLOG TIPS.

And I can't blame people for being confused about this blog, my postings and/or me, the blondalicious one, because this blog and me are a mass of contradictions:

Surly....yet friendly

Ambitious.... yet lazy

Naughty... yet conservative

Eager to teach...yet cranky

Creative...yet redundant

Brilliant... yet lame

Controlling ....yet allowing

Easily bored....yet patient

Wise....yet surprisingly dumb sometimes

Freaky. Snarky but sweet. Earthy... Petulant.... One of these is true. Your call.

Gentle with critters but savage with egos.

Blogs whenever she feels like it...usually around a New or Full Moon.

I might not be such a slacker blogger were a sponsor/publisher appear on my doorstep come to woo me with a movie/book deal, but alas, none of these has happened. Yet.

Speaking of offers, I was approached by a producer recently who had read my posts and thought I'd be a great candidate for his upcoming reality show, but I JUST KNOW this wouldn't work. I like total control/domination, and unless it was MY production, fuhgeddaboudit!

With that said, are ya ready for your HOT JUICY BLOG TIP?

Because here it comes for those looking for links...

These folks emailed me: Perhaps you may wish to check them out: Linknami

My second blog tip:

Luck is 90 % perspiration and 10 % grace. And yes, I stole that from someone. So if ya wanna be successful online, work it baby!

My third tip: Remember to floss. I like strong teeth.

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Posted by kuanyin333 at 4:37 PM 6 comments

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Three ReasonsTo Return From The Blog Graveyard

Class: After many pleading emails from you, I've decided to make a brief appearance and give you one hot blog tip. Yes, I'm posting again, but with much sadness!

Ya see, many of my favorite blogs have disappeared off the map! Like your blondalicious teacher (who nearly vanished herself!), many of my favorite blogs have returned to the great Blog Graveyard in cyberspace.

When I was updating my funny blogs Squidoo lens recently, I was shocked and dismayed to discover many missing blogs. Melancholia swept over me. Where did the bloggers go who used to make me laugh or sneer or cringe or....?

Some of these bloggers may now be flipping burgers...or even worse, they may be writing screenplays in Hollywood. Putain! (I feel safe using this last expletive since most of you don't read French and most people don't read my blog anymore either!)

Then I remembered I hadn't updated Blog-Blond since August, and I was one of the M.I.A.! Where had the time gone??? I haven't been flipping or slaving for the man. What was my alibi? Gasp! I too was in the Blog Graveyard!

And did I desire to return From The Blog Graveyard????? Did I have anything more to teach you--my deliciously naughty students?

It was this last question which brings me to post here today. I can't fit everything into my *much different* Twitter, Facebook, Plurk and Squidoo pages. This is why blogs are still valuable: I can ramble on for as long as I wish and BE the blondalicious Blog-Blond!

If I wish to rant, teach, seduce, beguile, or tease you, I need a blog! This is my reason NUMERO UNO to return and post.

My Reason Number Two: I've many slavish fans who depend upon my preposterous, retarded humor to make them laugh. No other blond will do OR so they say. (A Tiger story if there ever was one!) In these harsh times, any laugh is worth it's weight in gold.

My Reason Number Three is to instruct you. I've learned a thing or two in the years I've been online, and why not share my knowledge?

With Number Three in mind, here's my Hot Blog Tip of the Year: sign up for Nutshell Mail if you're on Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace.

Nutshell Mail will save you loads of time dealing with some of the nut cases you'll meet, especially the ones who follow you with the intention of dumping/unfollowing you to build up their numbers.

Nutshell Mail gives you the lowdown several times a day direct to your email about who your new followers and unfollowers are. It gives me great satisfaction to return the favor asap to the unfollowers. Here's what N.M. says about the 'WHY' on their homepage: "The busy social networker who doesn't have time to hang out online all day."

Does that sound like you? The busy social networker? Yep, thought so! Me too! That's why N.M. has been such a Goddess-Send!

To summarize: you'll see me my posts again...not to worry. I love sharing hot blog tips! I love Retro! I love you!


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Posted by kuanyin333 at 2:48 PM 22 comments