Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Seven Laws We Can't Outrun


Class, I was pondering the whys and wherefores recently. This was a little more complicated than Uncle Remus stories for I went DEEP into the mysteries of why things are the way they are.

In this process, I finalized my notes which I'd like to share with you as they pertain to blogging tips and humor since these two are the focus of this blog: Blogging For Dummies.

Here are the Immutable Blogging Laws as I see them as a seasoned pro (they'll probably change in a nanosecond since I dared to write the word 'immutable', but oh well. What can I say but the faeries often love to mess with us!)

1. The Law of Attraction: The more you post photos or write about t. & a., sexual innuendos, snark, humor and/or controversial topics, the more hits your posts will get as evidenced by stats. (Hence the gratuitous image posted here. Hey, I may be blond/blonde, but stupid...not always!)

2. The Law of Beauty: People wanna ogle beautiful things, people, animals, etc. People crave beauty...lust for beauty...will die for beauty.

3. The Law of Ego: The more you flaunt your ego in posts, print or media, the more the opposite force will take you down. You can bank on it. The more obvious you are with your braggadocio, the funnier it is when you tank. This law is as old as cavemen. Who would you rather see slip on the classic banana peel: a banker, Wall Street broker or little old lady?!

4. The Law of Lost and Found: I've begun many a blog in my day and when the passion was strong, I posted like a maniac. Then one day I would awake and discover the passion was gone and stop posting. There are many of my lost blogs in the blogosphere growing quite dusty I imagine. And then SURPRISE, someone will leave a comment on one of my posts. The law is that anything you put up on the net is NEVER EVER lost--these may be forgotten by you, but somebody will find them. If there is anything you wish you'd never written, you can 100 % count on it!

5. The Law of Offense: This law especially applies to humor bloggers. Trust me. If you write anything, there will be someone who doesn't like what you have to say. But it also applies to blogging in general. Put on your Bossy Pants and Rhino Gear when you post.

6. The Law of Karma: Whatever you post always comes back to you! The boomerang effect is in action every moment, every moment. This is why I always have funny, weird stuff happen to me. I'm the cause of my effect. Don't forget to subscribe to my Booyah Tumblr in this regard.

7. The Law of Scratch My Back I'll Scratch Yours: When you help someone out with a plug, inevitably there will be some scratching. Good, yummy scratching.
In this regard, I received an email from a blogger I've always admired, and it read:

"I have enjoyed your site for the longest time. I was hoping you will give me a little plug for my site called Paperback Charlie Brown. It's a cool little parody site and already got some great reviews online. I would love to be on your site. Take a quick glance at my site at Paperback Charlie Brown
. There is something for everybody. It's Peanuts with a twist."

Who knows when my scratch-back will happen, but it's a LAW. It has to happen!

Over and out from Your Blondalicious Teacher!


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Posted by Kuanyin Moi at 8:17 PM

11 Comments

  • Anonymous turber posted at Sunday, October 30, 2011  
    Hi there I just found your blog by accident or karma? Whatever I feel lucky about it, you're writing a lot of stuff, which was twirling deep down inside me and I wasn't able to get out I guess. I was touched and impressed most by your "100 things about me". Therefore I felt not only the need to contribute but to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    I'm not asking you for anything, but as I'm a curious person and you seem to be as I like to call it, highly sensible I wondered what feeling you might have about me, as you don't know me and strangers are sometimes more honest. I would love any kind of response, as I have the notion I can't see myself clearly and sometimes not at all lately, weird energy of the universe or just my own weirdness :-)
  • Blogger Kuanyin Moi posted at Sunday, October 30, 2011  
    Turber--having just finished my breakfast of sunshine & glitter, I'm in a particularly great mood, and thus, I'll toss out a few gems:

    Truth is we're all currently Living in the Leap these days, or in Matrix-Speak, we're living in uncertain times. Where we will all land is unclear. Welcome to the Weird Club...it's a fun club with zero dues or initiation fees.

    Laughing is the only requirement.

    The Best--BB
  • Anonymous turber posted at Sunday, October 30, 2011  
    Thanks for this precious pearls, they'll make my day. And laughing is definetly a goal, that came up as a goal for myself (and hopefully providing it for others) just a couple hours ago. I decided that should be an important part of the changes I want to make in my life.
    So you've sensed it absolutely right. I feel it's the perfect way to go for me and since I'm an odd duck anyway, there will be a lot to laugh at. Thanks for your answer and a lovely glittering day. Hugs&Happiness sends Turber
  • Blogger Paste Eater Club posted at Wednesday, November 02, 2011  
    Backscratching is allowed???
    I don't remember this being outlined in the syllabus. I really should pay more attention in class.
  • Anonymous Eloise posted at Tuesday, November 08, 2011  
    Yeah, how the fuck do I follow? Mind you I have a blog. However, I am a drunk brunette and can't figure this shit out.
  • OpenID coristories posted at Saturday, December 03, 2011  
    awesome advice!! i'm trying to get my blog going in the right direction and make it relevant. well, maybe not relevant, but at least entertaining to read. love yours!
  • Anonymous Victor posted at Wednesday, December 28, 2011  
    I am a blogger as well and I love point number 5. I often have to put on my bossy pants and tell people to f off.
  • Blogger Andrew Bierbower posted at Tuesday, January 17, 2012  
    Haha number 5 is a very good point. There have been more than enough times when I've had to slip on my bossy pants (or shorts, pending the Texas weather).
  • Blogger Gia posted at Thursday, January 26, 2012  
    True. and I'd add that the more music that automatically plays when you I click on your blog, the quicker I will try to close out the window.
  • Blogger Vivian Pitschlitz posted at Monday, February 20, 2012  
    I am really, really looking forward to the day that my blog offends somebody.
  • OpenID thebitchytruth posted at Thursday, July 19, 2012  
    I just stumbled across your blog and think its awesome!
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